Thursday, December 31, 2009

Be still my soul

I just finished reading a book called, Be Still My Soul.

There were many gems of wisdom in this book, but what resonated with me the most was this

"Standing still, on some occasions, is the paramount duty of the Christ follower."

Most of the time I don't struggle with believing that God has a perfect plan for my life if I trust and follow Him. There is just something in me that believes this and has hope because of it. What I do struggle with is the waiting. I am a doer. I like to get things done and move on to the next. Patience is not something that comes naturally to me. I have to be very intentional about being patient and constantly have to give this up to the Lord. Part of my issue with always needing to do, is that I feel like I am being selfish with my time if I am not always doing. But when I actually do take the time to sit and be still, it is reassuring to know that this is sometimes exactly what God wants me to do.

Psalm 46:10 - "Be still and know that I am God."

Psalm 37:7 - "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..."

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Divine Moments

I have been a bad blogger lately. It has been a challenging few months. I have been really busy, but more than that, I have felt really overwhelmed - with a lot of things. Some of which I can place, others I can't put my finger on. One of the contributing factors to this was it being the Christmas season. I love Christmas. I have for as long as I can remember. But just over a year ago, my Christmas was jolted and became more of something to just get through rather than a time to relax and celebrate. So as this Christmas approached, I was hoping to be able to make up for the heaviness of last Christmas - not only for myself, but more so for the sake of my family and friends.

In the midst of the busyness, overwhelming emotions and restlessness of the past few months, I have not spent enough time with God. Somewhere along the way, I put certain expectations on myself in my relationship with Christ and in my mind, I was not meeting them. The longer I went not meeting these 'expectations', the more guilty I felt. The heavier the guilt, the more embarrassed and unworthy I felt to talk to God and ask Him to help me with my current circumstances. I know that these feelings of guilt and unworthiness are completely manufactured by myself with some assistance from the devil, but I have this problem with connecting what my head knows to what my hearts feels. I like to call this the head-to-heart disconnect. It happens more often than I would like but less often than it used to...which is nice.

But you know what is amazing about God? He is so much bigger than all of this. He is bigger than the busyness of daily routines, the distractions that I allow to consume my thoughts, the flashbacks of a heart wrenching time, the worldly guilt, and the circumstances that arise. And not only is He bigger than all of this, He is there for ALL of it.

I have experienced God in many tangible, divine ways over this past year, so to not have those moments or 'feelings' for awhile (being two months, which really is not that long) was discouraging to me and causing me to feel restless and distant from God. But a few weeks ago, in His beautiful and wonderful ways, He reminded me just how close He is. It was one of those moments where I could feel Him in the room. I knew that he was there. I could actually picture Him sitting beside me. Holding my hand. Telling me that it is okay. He's not mad at me for not spending as much time with Him as I (and He) would like. He loves me and his heart hurts because mine does. He wasn't telling me a bunch of stuff to make me feel better. He was just being there with me. Even though I was in tears and my heart was aching, there was something so divinely comforting about that moment. I left where I was that night feeling a sense of peace and ease that I had been yearning for that can only truly come from my Heavenly Father. I am so unbelievably thankful for moments like these. And I continue to be blown away by a God that is sovereign over this huge, crazy world we live, yet He is still able to have such personal and unique relationships with His children. That is something beautiful.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas!

I just want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! Have a wonderful time with family and friends! May you know and accept Grace from our Saviour and be filled with Peace that can come only from Him! Merry Christmas! Love Jamie.

Friday, November 20, 2009

A Little Update

So yesterday I had reconstructive surgery to repair a deviated septum in my nose. I didn't really know what to expect going into it and I still don't know what they actually did to me. I was in the waiting room for over two and a half hours because my surgery was almost an hour late and the next thing I know, I'm on the surgery table, getting an IV and told to breathe deeply. The last thing I remember is the surgeon telling me, "sleep well dear, remember to breathe through your mouth when you wake up." And then I was out. Being put under is pretty crazy. I think it took less than a second for me to fall asleep. An hour and a half later, I vaguely remember hearing one of the nurses say my name as I tried to open my eyes and breathe. But they put vaseline on my eyes during surgery for some reason so I couldn't really see and I had a breathing tube down my throat during the surgery and my nose was packed with stuff so I couldn't really breathe.

Once they gave me some ice chips and a cloth to whip off the vaseline, things started to improve. I got wheeled into the recovery room and just hung out while they gave me some drugs. Things were looking up. But when I sat up to start getting dressed, I got really nauseous and almost threw up, so they made me stay longer to get more drugs. My dear sister Jess got my prescription filled while I waited in the hospital and then drove me home a few hours after the surgery. I was very excited to eat when I got home and very thankful that I was able to keep it down. My Aunt Linda and cousin, Kristy (who is a nurse) stopped by to check on me because my parents are on vacation. Kristy helped me with my drugs which was great because I didn't really know what to do with them.

After a pretty terrible sleep, I woke up bright and early so Jess could take me back to the Doctor's to get the packing in my nose removed. I asked him if it would hurt. He said no. He lied. Overall, I think the recovery might be a bit more than I bargained for. I have a splint inside my nose, a cast on the outside of my nose and a gauze mustache for the bleeding. My eyes are swollen and turning black and blue, but I have drugs so I don't feel too much pain. Breathing is the biggest issue and I am mostly just uncomfortable and dizzy. I get my nose cast off in 10 days, but I am not supposed to do anything stressful for two weeks because that often causes bleeding and slows the recovery. From the little I did hear though, apparently the surgery went well and I will be all fixed up in two weeks.

Thanks to my sisters Jess and Jodie who have brought me places and food to eat and to Aunt Linda and Kristy for checking on me! You are all wonderful!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Today's the Day

So today I go under the knife for the first time ever. I'm getting my nose done. Well not really, but I am getting my deviated septum in my nose fixed so that I can breathe easier and apparently it's a very similar surgery to a nose job :) 12:45pm today is my surgery time, prayers would be appreciated. I've never gone "under" before so I'm a bit anxious about that and I hear that it is a fairly uncomfortable surgery. But in about two weeks, I should be good to go, so that's great! Just in time for December! Maybe I will post before and after pics :)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

I can't sleep

I love to sleep. But not only do I love to sleep, I need to sleep. Ideally I get 8-9 hours of sleep per night. I am not one of those people who can function on 4-5 hours of sleep a night nor do I wish I were. I am next to useless when I don't get enough sleep...there are many people in my life who can vouch for that. I am also pretty blessed because I usually don't have a problem falling asleep. It literally usually takes mere minutes for me to fall into a deep sleep once my head hits my pillow. It's a gift.

However, there are those occasional nights when I just can't sleep (these happen more often now that I have a legit job with pretty major responsibilities). My mind is overwhelmed with many thoughts of what I need to do tomorrow, how my surgery is going to go this week (oh yeah, I'm getting surgery this week), how the food drive is going to go on the weekend, etc. Plus, the more time that goes by, the less sleep I know I am going to get, and the more worried I am about my level of competence the next day. So I lay here, not sleeping, but rather writing this blog. I have heard that it helps to write things down when you have a lot of things on your mind. So here it is:

  • I need to fit five days of work into three this week.
  • I am going for reconstructive nose surgery on Thursday to fix my crooked septum so I can breathe easier. Prayers are appreciated :)
  • I have what feels like a million things to do before this surgery.
  • I'm not gonna lie, I am somewhat concerned about how my nose will look once the surgery is done.
  • I have been helping plan a food drive for the Abbotsford Food Bank at UFV for their home opening games this weekend...we are trying to help "Feed Abbotsford." Please drop off donations if you are around! The food bank is low on food this year!!
  • We have been trying to get door prize donations for the food drive and it has not been very successful, if you know anyone who would be interested in donating a last minute door prize, that would be much appreciated!
  • I want to be a writer but I am inspired at such inopportune times that I never actually get to write.
  • I am itching for excitement. An adventure. Something that will stir my heart.
  • Jesus says, do not worry about tomorrow. Okay Lord, I'll try.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


I'm graduating! Woohhooo!! I've been done school for five months, but today I get to walk across the stage with my classmates in my cap and gown. I'm actually quite excited! I can't wait to celebrate with family and friends! Pictures to come!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Love at first sight?

Lately I have been pondering the there such a thing as love at first sight? I'm not talking about the, "Oh my gosh, he is so hot, I think I'm in love type of love at first sight." I'm talking about the honest to goodness, inexplicable, real love type of love at first sight. These days I tend to lean more towards yes than no. As it turns out, I am a hopeless romantic. The more my heart seeks after the Lord, the more I figure out who I am in Him and the more I realize that this is just part of who I am and I actually think that's pretty great. But it's not just being a hopeless romantic that makes me think that love at first sight is legit. I will try to explain...

Jesus loved us the moment he thought of us. The very second we were conceived he loved us more than we could ever fathom. In other words, Jesus loved us at first sight and continues to love us even now that our ugly, sinful sides have been exposed for everyone to see. Now, here's where I pull this altogether. As Christians, we are supposed to seek after Christ and try to live as He did as a human on Earth. Our purpose is to be as much like Jesus as possible so that our lives are a testament of His grace and love. So, if we are constantly trying to align our hearts with Christ and love others as Jesus did, then it would seem to me that love at first sight is very possible and you could even go so far as to say, a commandment. If we are to love our neighbours as ourselves, then it would seem that love at first sight should really happen on a daily basis. Thoughts?

I do realize that this is maybe a different kind of love at first sight than the more well-known romantic type of love at first sight, and for the record, I believe in that too (for similar, but more lengthly to explain reasons). Maybe I will write a book about it :)

Monday, October 26, 2009

A little recap...if you will.

It has been a few weeks since my last post, so I apologize to my faithful readers (all 4 of them) for keeping them twisting in the wind waiting for my next update ;) I have actually been thinking about what I want to post, but every time I have had a few minutes to maybe write something, I haven't felt overly inspired. My ideas and thoughts generally come at very inopportune writing times - driving, at my desk at work, out with friends or at church. When I actually sit down with the intention of writing, I draw blanks. So rather than writing one perfectly put together blog that has a clear intro, substantive body with a tidy conclusion, I am just going to recap my past few weeks - this is pretty exciting stuff.

In no particular order...

  • Realized my love for Creedence Clearwater Revival. They are legit, that's all there is to it.
  • Bought my first pair of True Religion jeans.
  • Bought my second pair of True Religion jeans. I had no idea what I was missing out on all these years. First of all, they are too long (in a good way) - that never happens. Secondly, the denim is unlike anything I have ever felt - it doesn't feel like if I wear them too many times the denim will get thin and make a hole on my bum. Thirdly, they stay up without a belt - no more hiking up my jeans every time I move. I am hooked. And the best part, I got both pairs for less than the price that one pair usually costs.
  • Got called in for last minute nose surgery due to a cancellation. I was supposed to go for surgery on Oct 15, but they cancelled my appointment the morning before. Now I am scheduled for Nov 19.
  • I'm not gonna lie, I was bitter about having my surgery cancelled after I rearranged my life to fit in in with two days notice. BUT, I decided to have a better attitude about it and thought perhaps this was an opportunity from the Lord. Turns out it was. The night of Oct 15 when I was supposed to be recovering from surgery, I had a mini breakthrough. I won't go into details, but I will say that the Lord spoke to me in amazing ways and for the next few days I was able to just relax in His presence and find hope in the moment. Then the next night I went and served soup and hot drinks to homeless people in Surrey with an organization called Night Shift. I went by myself, which for anyone who knows me well this is way out of my comfort zone. God gave me confidence though to just be there and talk to those people, even if it was just a hello. It was a truly humbling and awesome experience.
  • Through a very wise person who has been helping me over these past few months, I came to realize that I tend to focus on the future way too much. I am so focused on where I "should" be, what I "should" be doing, or how I "should" be living that I lose sight of the here and now. Jesus clearly states, "Do not worry about tomorrow..." But without really being aware of it, that is pretty much what I have been doing. It's encouraging to find these things out about myself - it explains a lot and is also a good reminder to focus on the moment, living in God's presence and will for my life, and finding my hope and peace from that.
  • I realized that my creative outlet is writing. I love to write and wish I could do it as a career - maybe someday. For now, I have blogspot.
  • I sometimes pretend that my creative outlet is playing music. I dabble with my guitar from time to time and can play a pretty decent 'G' and 'D' chord, but my dreams of bringing my show on the road will probably remain just that...a dream.
  • I have also realized that I would like to marry a musician, but not just any musician. A tall, God fearing, a little rough around the edges, with a cool urban style, ridiculously talented but completely humble, funny but in a subtle way, quiet but confident, and extremely good looking musician. I have heard it's good to know what you want. I'm just saying.
  • My love for scarves has been affirmed. My neck feels lonely without them.
  • One of my dear friends asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I could not be more honoured!
  • I listened to my first Christmas songs of the season. 60 days to go! They should really make two-month advent calendars.
  • I went to the Needtobreathe concert in Seattle this past weekend and it was AMAZING! I had pretty high expectations going in, but they were exceeded by far! Live music is just the best! The concert was at this tiny little bar in downtown Seattle that held maybe 300-400 people, so we got pretty close to the stage and had a great view!
  • I decided that I could live in Seattle - it's great, especially on a beautiful, sunny, crisp fall day!
  • I love it when people love the music I recommend. I love music - it inspires me. So when people like the music that I share with them it makes me happy.
  • I tried to "rebound" by getting two dogs rather than a boyfriend, but my parents and friends talked some sense to me, so I am still dog-less and single.
Well that's all I can think of for now. I do have words of wisdom though. If you don't know what your creative outlet is, pray about it and try and find out what it is. God has given us all creative tendencies, but they just look very different from person to person. Knowing what your creative outlet is, is a great way to feel inspired, connect with God and get to know yourself better in Christ (in my opinion at least). Okay, that's all.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

With it being Thanksgiving and all, I thought I should write a Thankgivingingy blog. I am thankful for many things. Family, friends, shelter, clothing, food, health, a car, a job...but most of all, I am thankful that I don't have to live this life on my own. And in those times when I get overwhelmed with my circumstances and the world around me, I can find peace in knowing that God is with me. He has a perfect plan for my life that he is orchestrating through me and the events and people around me. And in that, I can find a hope that comes only from the Heavenly Father. I am unbelievably thankful for that!

I hope whoever reads this (and whoever doesn't :) had a wonderful Thanksgiving with friends and family!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

A different kind of broken...

So I played in our annual University/College of the Fraser Valley Alumni game this past weekend. I have played a little bit of basketball lately, but would not consider myself in shape by any stretch of the imagination. We ended up losing by six...pretty respectable considering the fitness level on our team as a whole was quite similar to mine (with a few exceptions). We kept the shifts to 3 minutes or less and did not even attempt full court defense. I always pray going into these types of things for no injuries...diving into playing competitive basketball against a bunch of girls who the last thing they want to do is lose to the alumni team is just asking for an injury. Everyone escaped injury free except my poor nose. Here are a few before and after shots...

Here I am, excited to play...

Ready to play...

After the elbow connected directly with the bridge of my nose. Instant blood, instant bruise & instant headache...

I have played basketball for over 15 years and not once have I gotten an elbow to my nose, but of course, in the most meaningless of games, it happens. I don't know if it is broken or not. It's not crooked, so that's good, but it's definitely swollen and black and blue. The ironic thing is that I am actually on the waiting list for nose surgery to repair my crooked septum that I have had forever...maybe this will get me in sooner? :) Oh was super fun and so great to see so many alumni girls out!

PS: I don't know why there are underlines in this post...they just showed up and I don't know how to get rid of them. I'm not a fan.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


I am a broken person. I always have been, but it took me a long time to figure it out and admit it. For a good portion of my high school to college to graduate school life, I tried to live a life that looked pretty great from the outside. I tried to come across as a person who had it all together. Once I figured out how broken I am though, it became surprisingly easy to admit. However, I didn't really need to admit it because it was written all over my face, body language, words and demeanor. Not too long ago, I was a shell of a person. I was drowning and the only thing keeping my head above water was Jesus holding onto my hand, telling me that He will pull me out of the water. I was left with no other option but to turn to the Lord. I had a distinct moment of conviction when I finally realized that I NEED God, I can't do life on my own. It was actually a very simple decision for me to make. I was not angry at God for the circumstances in my life, I was actually embarrassed that it took such an extreme downfall for me to finally give my life back to Him.

While I am no longer in such a desperate state, I know I am still broken. But the great thing is that as broken as I may be, I am broken for the Lord and in that, I am more whole than I have ever been. My desire and prayer is that the Lord takes all of my broken pieces and puts them back together so that I finally become the woman of God that he intended me to be all along. That he molds me into His image. I am reading a book by Michael Catt called, 'The Power of Desperation - Breakthroughs in our Brokenness.' I know it sounds pretty bleak, but this book has been such a blessing to me over this past month and actually provides really great insights into brokenness and how God uses these times in our lives to draw us closer to Him (I totally recommend this book, even if you aren't going through really difficult times).

In one of the sections of this book, Catt refers to Jeremiah 18:6 - "O Israel, can I not do to you as the potter as done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in my hand." I think that is a pretty cool analogy. God is the Master Potter and we are His clay. If we let Him, He will mold us into His creation...something beautiful, unique and pleasing Him. This is what I am trying to let the Lord do - mold me.

In that same chapter of the book, Catt gets into the gut wrenching reality of brokenness. He says, "When you talk about brokenness, there is probably no subject or principle in God's Word that is more neglected or misunderstood. As you read the Scriptures, you see men and women of God who were used greatly and as the same time were greatly broken. God often allows setbacks, suffering, and times when we are crushed or broken to reveal to us our desperate need for Him. If we want to be used greatly, we will go through tough times." Catt goes on to quote another author who said, "Usually when something is broken, its value declines or disappears altogether. Broken dishes, broken bottles, broken mirrors are generally scrapped. Even a crack in furniture or a tear in cloth greatly reduces its resale value. But it isn't that way in the spiritual realm. God puts a premium on broken things - especially broken people." I don't know about you, but I actually think that is really exciting and super encouraging. And not to mention totally supported in the Bible.

One of my favourite books of the Bible is James and right at the beginning of James in chapter one verse two to three is says, "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." And then in Romans 5:3-5 it says, "We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strengths of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

I am broken. I am facing hardships. My faith is constantly being tested. But that's okay because I know the Lord will never give me more than I can handle, He will always be there to pick me up when I fall and tell me how much He loves me, He has used these hardships to draw me closer to Him and realize how much I need Him, this is all for a greater purpose and part of His perfect plan for my life...and in that, I can totally find joy.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Father, let my heart be after YOU...

Have you ever heard of the band, Needtobreathe? If you haven't, I highly recommend downloading their stuff! They are my favourite right now. I absolutely love their southern rock/gospel sound and how they weave their love for Christ subtly, but passionately, into their lyrics. Their song 'Garden' from their newest album, 'The Outsiders,' is beautiful in its simplicity and truth and stirs my heart every time I hear it. It's based on the story of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane just before his death on the cross to save us.

Mark 14: 35 & 36 (NLT): He went on a little farther and fell to the ground. He prayed that if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. "Abba, Father," he cried out, "everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."

Here are the lyrics.

Garden (by Needtobreathe)

Won’t you take this cup from me
‘Cause fear has stolen all my sleep
If tomorrow means my death
I pray you’ll save their souls with it

Let the songs I sing
Bring joy to you
Let the words I say profess my love
Let the notes I choose
Be your favorite tune
Father let my heart be after you

In this hour of doubt I see
But who I am is not just me
So give me strength to die myself
So love can live to tell the tale

Let the songs I sing
Bring joy to you
Let the words I say profess my love
Let the notes I choose
Be your favorite tune
Father let my heart be after you

Father let my heart be…
For you

Let the songs I sing
Bring joy to you
Let the words I say profess my love
Let the notes I choose
Be your favorite tune
Father let my heart be after you

If you want to hear it, this is a link to a short interview and a video of this song:

Monday, September 7, 2009

Oma Optimism?

My friends like to sometimes call me "Oma Optimism," or "Debbie the Defender"...or "Deb" for short. (I'm being serious...I am not nearly witty enough to make this stuff up). Why do they tag me with these titles? Well, apparently they think I like to look on the bright side of life. Put a positive spin on things, if you will. Honestly, lately, I have no idea what they are talking about. Sure I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and have not typically liked confrontation so when things start to get tense, I will try and see the situation from all sides involved. I try to be a positive person, but over the past eight months, I wouldn't say I have been a shining example of seeing the cup half full. The fact that my friends still tag me with the name, "Oma Optimism" from time to time is actually quite flattering considering what they have had to work with.

Regardless of the state of optimism I may or may not be living in, what I am learning is that optimism does not equal joy. Joy looks very different from optimism. Optimism is looking on the bright side, seeing your cup as half full, being generally upbeat, perhaps even 'sunny.' But joy is a whole other entity. Joy is all those things, but top that with choosing to have a steadfast faith and hope in the Lord in the midst of trials, rejoicing in Him through pain and suffering, and giving thanks to God for hardships because of how they mold and teach us. I have the utmost admiration for people who are able to do this without doubt, hesitation, or questioning. I am striving to be one of those by day...

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Figuring out "Blogging"

I'm just trying to figure out this whole "blogging" thing. Now I know how to post pictures :) I want to try and figure out how to customize the design and layout of my blog more...some people have the coolest looking blogs, but I can't figure that out yet.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

My First Post

I have been inspired to write a blog...for many reasons really, some of which will become more clear as this blog progresses. I have been feeling the urge to write lately, but can't seem to find the time or determination to write something as huge and daunting as a book, but wanted to do something bigger than just my journal, so I thought I would compromise with myself and start with a blog. Although honestly, this is mostly just a glorified journal...typing is just simply faster than hand writing.

So I have been on this incredible journey with the Lord over the past eight months. And when I say "incredible," I don't mean exceedingly happy and overflowing with massive amounts of joy...I more so mean that I have been rocked by the amazing way in which the Lord works. To say this past year of my life has not turned out how I have planned would be an understatement. But, as I have very harshly found out, having my own plans in the first place was my first mistake. I have learned more over these past eight months than I have in my 20 years of schooling combined. It has not been, and continues to not be, an easy road. In fact, it is probably the opposite of easy, so I guess that would be hard. I am on a journey with the Lord. I am seeking to know His plan for my life and how He wants to use me to further His Kingdom so I can follow in behind His footsteps. There are days when I really just wonder, really Lord? Did this really have to happen? I have many moments of frustration and impatience. And my moments of weakness far exceed my moments of strength. But that seems to be where the Lord wants me right now.

As my brilliant friend Ange and I were talking about tonight (which is one of the reasons that inspired this first blog post), when we ask God for clarity and direction, we can't expect everything to be one wonderful thing after another that fits perfectly into the comfortable, happy lives that we would all love to live (I am mostly just speaking on behalf of me and a few friends). I am very quickly learning that as Christians, we are not meant to live in the ultimate comfort zone, we are actually meant to live in the ultimate uncomfortable zone (if that even makes sense). I am discovering that seeking God's will and actually taking the steps to follow Him are often doing things that are so far outside of my comfort zone that it takes me a bit to work up the courage to do it. However, once I do it, the peace that follows is so affirming that I can be confident I did the right thing.

In the midst of this journey though, there has been a great deal of pain and hurts, and often times my immediate reaction is to throw a pity party and invite everyone I know to it. This has never proven to be an effective reaction, but it is the one I have defaulted to for so many years that breaking this trend is proving to be quite the challenge. So that is the inspiration for the name of my blog..."Learning to Choose Joy." I can't tell you how many times over the past few weeks that I have read a devotional, heard a sermon, or been given something to read (thanks Ange and Cass) that talks about choosing joy in the midst of struggles. I finally figured that the Lord is trying to send me a message. Message received. Now how to go about practically "choosing joy," when I don't feel like it or when something crappy happens...I have no idea what that looks like. But I am on a journey to find out and guaranteed there will be some slip-ups and pity parties along the way, but here's hoping (and praying) the scale begins to tip in the favour of "choosing joy" and that becomes my new immediate reaction to whatever life and God throws my way.