Be still my soul

I just finished reading a book called, Be Still My Soul.

There were many gems of wisdom in this book, but what resonated with me the most was this

quote:

"Standing still, on some occasions, is the paramount duty of the Christ follower."

Most of the time I don't struggle with believing that God has a perfect plan for my life if I trust and follow Him. There is just something in me that believes this and has hope because of it. What I do struggle with is the waiting. I am a doer. I like to get things done and move on to the next. Patience is not something that comes naturally to me. I have to be very intentional about being patient and constantly have to give this up to the Lord. Part of my issue with always needing to do, is that I feel like I am being selfish with my time if I am not always doing. But when I actually do take the time to sit and be still, it is reassuring to know that this is sometimes exactly what God wants me to do.

Psalm 46:10 - "Be still and know that I am God."

Psalm 37:7 - "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..."

Divine Moments

I have been a bad blogger lately. It has been a challenging few months. I have been really busy, but more than that, I have felt really overwhelmed - with a lot of things. Some of which I can place, others I can't put my finger on. One of the contributing factors to this was it being the Christmas season. I love Christmas. I have for as long as I can remember. But just over a year ago, my Christmas was jolted and became more of something to just get through rather than a time to relax and celebrate. So as this Christmas approached, I was hoping to be able to make up for the heaviness of last Christmas - not only for myself, but more so for the sake of my family and friends.

In the midst of the busyness, overwhelming emotions and restlessness of the past few months, I have not spent enough time with God. Somewhere along the way, I put certain expectations on myself in my relationship with Christ and in my mind, I was not meeting them. The longer I went not meeting these 'expectations', the more guilty I felt. The heavier the guilt, the more embarrassed and unworthy I felt to talk to God and ask Him to help me with my current circumstances. I know that these feelings of guilt and unworthiness are completely manufactured by myself with some assistance from the devil, but I have this problem with connecting what my head knows to what my hearts feels. I like to call this the head-to-heart disconnect. It happens more often than I would like but less often than it used to...which is nice.

But you know what is amazing about God? He is so much bigger than all of this. He is bigger than the busyness of daily routines, the distractions that I allow to consume my thoughts, the flashbacks of a heart wrenching time, the worldly guilt, and the circumstances that arise. And not only is He bigger than all of this, He is there for ALL of it.

I have experienced God in many tangible, divine ways over this past year, so to not have those moments or 'feelings' for awhile (being two months, which really is not that long) was discouraging to me and causing me to feel restless and distant from God. But a few weeks ago, in His beautiful and wonderful ways, He reminded me just how close He is. It was one of those moments where I could feel Him in the room. I knew that he was there. I could actually picture Him sitting beside me. Holding my hand. Telling me that it is okay. He's not mad at me for not spending as much time with Him as I (and He) would like. He loves me and his heart hurts because mine does. He wasn't telling me a bunch of stuff to make me feel better. He was just being there with me. Even though I was in tears and my heart was aching, there was something so divinely comforting about that moment. I left where I was that night feeling a sense of peace and ease that I had been yearning for that can only truly come from my Heavenly Father. I am so unbelievably thankful for moments like these. And I continue to be blown away by a God that is sovereign over this huge, crazy world we live, yet He is still able to have such personal and unique relationships with His children. That is something beautiful.

Merry Christmas!

I just want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! Have a wonderful time with family and friends! May you know and accept Grace from our Saviour and be filled with Peace that can come only from Him! Merry Christmas! Love Jamie.

A Little Update

So yesterday I had reconstructive surgery to repair a deviated septum in my nose. I didn't really know what to expect going into it and I still don't know what they actually did to me. I was in the waiting room for over two and a half hours because my surgery was almost an hour late and the next thing I know, I'm on the surgery table, getting an IV and told to breathe deeply. The last thing I remember is the surgeon telling me, "sleep well dear, remember to breathe through your mouth when you wake up." And then I was out. Being put under is pretty crazy. I think it took less than a second for me to fall asleep. An hour and a half later, I vaguely remember hearing one of the nurses say my name as I tried to open my eyes and breathe. But they put vaseline on my eyes during surgery for some reason so I couldn't really see and I had a breathing tube down my throat during the surgery and my nose was packed with stuff so I couldn't really breathe.

Once they gave me some ice chips and a cloth to whip off the vaseline, things started to improve. I got wheeled into the recovery room and just hung out while they gave me some drugs. Things were looking up. But when I sat up to start getting dressed, I got really nauseous and almost threw up, so they made me stay longer to get more drugs. My dear sister Jess got my prescription filled while I waited in the hospital and then drove me home a few hours after the surgery. I was very excited to eat when I got home and very thankful that I was able to keep it down. My Aunt Linda and cousin, Kristy (who is a nurse) stopped by to check on me because my parents are on vacation. Kristy helped me with my drugs which was great because I didn't really know what to do with them.

After a pretty terrible sleep, I woke up bright and early so Jess could take me back to the Doctor's to get the packing in my nose removed. I asked him if it would hurt. He said no. He lied. Overall, I think the recovery might be a bit more than I bargained for. I have a splint inside my nose, a cast on the outside of my nose and a gauze mustache for the bleeding. My eyes are swollen and turning black and blue, but I have drugs so I don't feel too much pain. Breathing is the biggest issue and I am mostly just uncomfortable and dizzy. I get my nose cast off in 10 days, but I am not supposed to do anything stressful for two weeks because that often causes bleeding and slows the recovery. From the little I did hear though, apparently the surgery went well and I will be all fixed up in two weeks.

Thanks to my sisters Jess and Jodie who have brought me places and food to eat and to Aunt Linda and Kristy for checking on me! You are all wonderful!

Today's the Day

So today I go under the knife for the first time ever. I'm getting my nose done. Well not really, but I am getting my deviated septum in my nose fixed so that I can breathe easier and apparently it's a very similar surgery to a nose job :) 12:45pm today is my surgery time, prayers would be appreciated. I've never gone "under" before so I'm a bit anxious about that and I hear that it is a fairly uncomfortable surgery. But in about two weeks, I should be good to go, so that's great! Just in time for December! Maybe I will post before and after pics :)

I can't sleep

I love to sleep. But not only do I love to sleep, I need to sleep. Ideally I get 8-9 hours of sleep per night. I am not one of those people who can function on 4-5 hours of sleep a night nor do I wish I were. I am next to useless when I don't get enough sleep...there are many people in my life who can vouch for that. I am also pretty blessed because I usually don't have a problem falling asleep. It literally usually takes mere minutes for me to fall into a deep sleep once my head hits my pillow. It's a gift.

However, there are those occasional nights when I just can't sleep (these happen more often now that I have a legit job with pretty major responsibilities). My mind is overwhelmed with many thoughts of what I need to do tomorrow, how my surgery is going to go this week (oh yeah, I'm getting surgery this week), how the food drive is going to go on the weekend, etc. Plus, the more time that goes by, the less sleep I know I am going to get, and the more worried I am about my level of competence the next day. So I lay here, not sleeping, but rather writing this blog. I have heard that it helps to write things down when you have a lot of things on your mind. So here it is:

• I need to fit five days of work into three this week.
• I am going for reconstructive nose surgery on Thursday to fix my crooked septum so I can breathe easier. Prayers are appreciated :)
• I have what feels like a million things to do before this surgery.
• I'm not gonna lie, I am somewhat concerned about how my nose will look once the surgery is done.
• I have been helping plan a food drive for the Abbotsford Food Bank at UFV for their home opening games this weekend...we are trying to help "Feed Abbotsford." Please drop off donations if you are around! The food bank is low on food this year!!
• We have been trying to get door prize donations for the food drive and it has not been very successful, if you know anyone who would be interested in donating a last minute door prize, that would be much appreciated!
• I want to be a writer but I am inspired at such inopportune times that I never actually get to write.
• I am itching for excitement. An adventure. Something that will stir my heart.
• Jesus says, do not worry about tomorrow. Okay Lord, I'll try.

Goodnight.

Today...

I'm graduating! Woohhooo!! I've been done school for five months, but today I get to walk across the stage with my classmates in my cap and gown. I'm actually quite excited! I can't wait to celebrate with family and friends! Pictures to come!